I'm Slow but I'm Good

One of the stories that was left out of the book because I couldn't wedge it in right had to deal with a school photo that Jeff posed for when he was in 8th or 9th grade.

During those days getting ready for school was an event as 6 kids bartered for time in the bathroom, at the breakfast table and rushing out the door. Jeff was always in the middle of all of the fun and games, and he especially liked to stir things up when other family members were still chasing away the remnants of sleep.

On the morning that Jeff's class photo was to be taken he bounced down the stairs wearing a t-shirt that read: "I'm Slow But I'm Good."

Corinne greeted him as he made his way into the kitchen and saw the shirt. "You can't wear that for your picture," she said. "Mom won't laugh."

"It's funny," he said.

Fast-forward to a few weeks later. I was sitting at the kitchen table when Mom got the proofs of the photos in the mail. All at once, she burst out laughing and her face turned a couple of shades of red as the laughter filled her up.

"What?" I asked.

"Look what that goofy sonouvabitch did," Mom said.

She handed me the photo.

Jeff's eyes were closed and the forced smile on his face looked awkward, at best, and slightly mentally deficient at worse. The camera angle had also added to the charm as his shirt was cut off after the first sentence.

Jeff's class photo was a horrible shot of him, and half his shirt that read simply: "I'm Slow."

The entire family laughed as the photo was passed around the dinner table. Mom, being as much of a class clown as the rest of us, ordered the photo package. She was going to pass them out to all of her friends!

Jeff intercepted the photos on the day they arrived and sadly there is not even one single shot of that memorable photo shoot.

Yet all of us that saw the photo are left with the reminder that he did have jokes that didn't always work out as he planned.
Submitted by Cliff Fazzolari

Nice Cliffy!

The Hamburg Sun Review

"Oh Brother!" teaches lessons on life and love
Hamburg Sun, January 13, 2011

It is more important to enjoy life than it is to try to understand it.

This is both the mantra by which Jeff Fazzolari lived his life and the message that continues to inspire many after his untimely death.

In his latest book, “Oh Brother!: The Life and Times of Jeff Fazzolari,” author Cliff Fazzolari keeps the memory of his brother alive by sharing humorous and heart-warming anecdotes of Jeff’s daily escapades. Known to his family as “the walking celebration,” Jeff had the ability to transform any ordinary situation into a party.

Yet, as often as the book is funny, it is also incredibly sad. Any reader who has experienced loss can relate to the agonizing trial of the Fazzolari family as brothers, sisters, parents and in-laws spend countless hours and sleepless nights in the waiting rooms of Mercy Hospital in Buffalo.

“I come from a tremendous family,” said Fazzolari. “This book was as much for them as it was for Jeff.”

Indeed, “Oh Brother!” places a tremendous amount of importance on family. The book’s cover assures that readers will want to hug their siblings and give thanks before the book’s end, and Fazzolari’s writing holds true to this promise.

Though writing a book is never an easy feat, Fazzolari described the writing process for “Oh Brother!” as downright torturous. Fazzolari holds nothing back in his writing; the reader is allowed to witness the narrator at his most raw. Yet it is these moments of unbridled emotion that readers are likely to relate to and appreciate. Fazzolari’s words tug at the heartstrings until readers find themselves praying along with the narrator for a miracle.

Despite the emotional toll it took, Fazzolari said that the decision to write about his brother’s life was a “no-brainer.”

“If the shoe was on the other foot, he would have done the same for me,” he said.

Cliff and Jeff Fazzolari grew up with their four other siblings in North Collins.

“It’s an incredible place,” said the author about his hometown. “I couldn’t have picked a better place to grow up.”

North Collins is just one of many places that local readers will recognize in the book. The Gow School in South Wales is also mentioned quite frequently; Jeff worked there as an executive chef.

“Oh Brother!,” which marks Fazzolari’s 10th book, has generated an unprecedented response for the author. Fazzolari called the waves of praise from both friends and strangers “overwhelming,” but much appreciated.

“You want to do that every time you write,” he said.

Perhaps the praise is not only due to the author’s writing, but Jeff’s infectious personality. If readers did not have the chance to know him in life, he feels like an old friend before the book draws to a close. Though Jeff’s life was short, it was inarguably well-lived. The book is full of Jeff’s life-lessons that seem wise beyond his 38 years of existence.

“It all boils down to the things you can’t hold,” reads a quote from Jeff in the book. “If it isn’t about love and faith and hope, what is it about?”

For Fazzolari, who journals every day of his life and was reading major works of fiction since the second grade, writing books was the next step in a natural course. Fazzolari is the author of both fiction and non-fiction works, including “Nobody’s Home,” “Blind Spot” and “House of Miracles.” He is also the author of the popular blog, Thoughts of a Common Man, which can be found online at www.fazzolari23.blogspot.com.

He is currently working on a fiction novel, entitled “Everything I Know.”

Those who are interested in purchasing a copy of “Oh Brother!” should send an e-mail to Cliffordfc@roadrunner.com along with their name and home address. Fazzolari will send an invoice and a signed copy of the book.

Fazzolari resides in Blasdell with his wife, three sons and two dogs.

Sally Stoodntookit was a Guest at Your Wedding Too?

Hey Carrie,

Finished the book in one sitting last night. Realized I wasn't lucky enough to have known Jeff the way so many of you did, but then it hit me! I actually have a story to share:

Many people probably remember October 23, 1993 as the day Joe Carter hit the homer to win the World Series, but it was actually my wedding day, too. We had Cliff on the guest list and his date for the evening was none other than his little brother, Jeff. Considering the other stories, I think we got off easy, but here's what I remember. Things went very well that night and people still tell us how much fun they had at our wedding. When the dancing had ended and it was time for us to leave, we grabbed our things and headed out the door. Jan had filled our car with the things we needed and he led me out to the front doors. I was exhausted from the hustle and bustle of the day and just wanted to get to the hotel to get a breath in. We opened the front door and saw...nothing. No car. Nothing. Jan was quite sure that's where he had left it, but nothing. After about 10 minutes of trying to figure it out, we saw a smiling Jeff and our car on the other side of the building. The next morning we got back to my mom's house to open our gifts and talk about the night before with my family. When I got to Cliff's card, it felt unusually heavy. I opened it and out fell pennies, nickels, folded up dollars and micellaneous other bills and even some lint. I have no idea what the amount added up to, but I'm pretty sure it was whatever Jeff had stuck in his pocket before he left the house. Considering there were 3 Fuzzy's at the wedding that day I'm not sure who was responsible for the other guests, but when I read the guest book I saw that Bugs Bunny, Rocky & Bullwinkle, Bart Simpson, Ben Dover, Sally Stoodntookit, Jacques Strap, and Pete Moss had been there, too. Thanks boys...for always providing the smiles and the laughter.

Submitted by Diane Rinaldi Mathis

Carrie,

I’ll give you some brief history of how I know Jeff.  Most obvious, we both worked at Gow.  I still remember the first time I met him, our current headmaster was retiring and he was having a dinner in his honor.  The school had just lost their current chef.  Jeff pulled off the dinner with great success and I remember making a point in telling him how good the food was.

Time goes by and Jeff and I slowly started becoming better friends.  I wasn’t always sure about his sense of humor, but it slowly grew on me!  Not only did he win me over, but the entire school!  I have been at Gow for 16 years, and he was the first chef that not only prepared good food, but interacted with the students, faculty and staff!  The school fell in love with him!  I think on a few occasions Sage wanted to move him, but the school was always very supportive and let Sage know we wanted him here!  So Jeff, Matt and I developed a strong bond, friendship.  We got to the point where we couldn’t go a day without seeing each other, busting balls or just chatting about whatever.  We began e-mailing on a regular basis (I still have e-mails from Jeff…can’t bring myself to deleting them).  My wife kids that she won’t open any of them, due to their sometimes colorful nature!  Anyway, the three of us got VERY tight!

Nov. 15, 2008 my best friend Matt is killed in a work related accident at Cameron, I’m devastated.  I remember my next day of work, I went into the dining hall for lunch everyone knew Matt and I were best friends.  They were all so nice to me.  I went to leave and saw Jeff in his office.  I stopped to talk to him, he as well, was devastated.  We talked for an hour or more.  He just kept telling me how bad he felt for Matt’s kids (they were like 4yrs and 6 months).  We were both still in shock, …it was surreal.  How could Matt be gone?  He was our age.  Jeff and I became better friends through the loss of Matt.  January 27^th, Paul calls me on the radio, “Rick, I need a ride back from the dining hall.”  I pick Paul up and he tells me what had happened to Jeff.  He doesn’t paint an optimistic picture.  I think I can’t possibly lose another best friend in a matter of months!

Leading up to Jeff’s last days, I knew things weren’t good.  Brad breaks the news to all of us in the dining hall, without the students present.  I felt like a soldier in a war who had just lost everyone in his platoon in an ambush.  Why them and not me?  Jeff and I were the same age.  I had a certain amount of bizarre guilt.  I was happy to be alive, but felt so bad for Jeff’s family and Matt’s family.  I was alone.  No more e-mails from my buddies.  They were gone. FOREVER!

Time heals.  When I think of Matt and Jeff now, I don’t cry or get sad (that much), but cherish the memories.  Recall stories and retell them over and over.  At least once a week when I crack open a Sam Adams, I silently toast to two fallen comrades by raising my glass.  To Jeff and Matt, I say to myself.  No one else needs to know what I’m doing, just me.  It’s a toast that someday, we will all share a drink…together.

So the photo!  We had an underground drain fall and Paul and I were quit involved with repairing the line.  Jeff shows up, he’s harassing us.  Next thing I know he has a camera and is taking photos, I remember thinking,  "Really Jeff, you don’t have anything else better to do?"  Two days later Paul receives the attached photo in his work mailbox.  We laughed so hard!!  The photo has been at our shop ever since!  We stumble across it every now and then, and laugh every time.

I just wanted you to know how much I thought of your brother and what he meant to me in my life.  Whenever I talked about Jeff I always say he was my friend and co-worker.  His friendship to me was first and foremost.

Rick

(Picture is tough to see on this post - I'll add it to my FB account.  CLF)

Submitted by Rick Hausauer

The Message

I just finished reading Oh Brother!  The Life & Times of Jeff Fazzolari.  The book is simply fantastic.  The book made me cry but also made me laugh. Crying I can do at the drop of a hat.  Laughing doesn't come easy for me to be honest.  My husband and I can be watching the same movie and he will laugh so hard he has tears running down his face and I just don't think it is that funny.  I look at him and wish I had his sense of humor because laughing is so healthy.  This book made me laugh out loud several times.  My favorite was Jim and the cleaning lady in the waiting room!

Cliff has a way of writing that really helps us get to know the characters and therefore we care about them.  Lynda and John Fazzolari created a beautiful loving family that should inspire all of us.  Cliff absolutely got Jeff's message across which is we must all celebrate our life.
--- Linda Seiler

The Mall, The Mall, The Mall, The Mall!

We were still both in high school, and Jeff had his driver's license for about a year.  I think Jeff was borrowing the Wally Wagon (Dad's red station wagon) to get around.  Early on a Saturday morning, the two of us were sitting in front of the TV, a little bored.  In those days, we used to play video games all day, every day, making wagers with each other about who would win.  Jeff won every time and scored favors or cash from me at every turn.  You'd think I would've learned.  On this one Saturday morning, we weren't playing anything, so Jeff said, "You wanna go to the mall?"

"Yes!  I just need to shower, get dressed and do my make-up.  In an hour?"

"Sure."  He thumbed the remote and didn't blink an eye.

So, at the age of 15 or so, I did what all wanna-be-beautiful-teenagers-going-to-the-mall do.  I spent time on picking out my clothes; time on doing my hair so it looked perfect; time on doing my make-up.  It was nearly a two hour ordeal, and I kept peeking in on Jeff as he sat in the family room. 

"I'm almost done.  We're still going, right?"

"Yes.  Whenever you're ready."

But, and I remember this clear as day, I had a fleeting thought that maybe he was up to something.  Yet my excitement over going to the mall shooed it away.

"Ready!"  I said.

He clicked off the TV, grabbed his jacket and we were out the door.

We drove to Avery's (the "happening" grocery store in North Collins). 

"I need a can of chew..."  I waited in the car, still so excited about going to the mall.  A few minutes later he got back in the car and we were on our way.  When we were supposed to turn right toward the mall, Jeff turned left toward home.

"Where are you going?"  I asked.

"Home."

"But why, I thought we were going to the mall?"

"The mall?  Where would you have gotten such a crazy idea?"

And we went home.  I was so pissed at him until he suggested a game of Nintendo racing - promising me that he'd let me win.  We then we spent the entire day, sitting on hard-backed chairs, knee to knee, working the game controllers and laughing our asses off.

Submitted by Carrie Lynn Fazzolari

Thoughts about Oh Brother!

Beautiful, touching tribute, full of love, laughter, and tears.  I can hear Jeff’s voice in every chapter.  Thanks, Cliff, for providing us with a way to visit our friend again and again.

Julie Hadley

Former Assistant to the Food Service Director – Gow School (‘06-‘07)

----------

 Hi Cliff,

I am reading the book and more than half way through. I love the book! I
like the print and the feel of the pages making the book easier to read.
You expressed it with love of Jeff, his humor with you and the family. It's
filled with love of  family, friends, and encouraging for us to enjoy and live
life each day.  We need to have our faith to hold us together despite
sadness that often happens.
God's peace,
Diane Hagler
--------------
Cliff,

I received your touching tribute to Jeff yesterday - and finished it this morning. Thanks for making me cry through tears of laughter. I could hear his voice in every phrase and you did a great job of bringing him back to life for me. I can imagine that there were many times when this wasn't an easy book to write, but I'm so happy that you did. I used to think it was just me, or the other girls in the kitchen, or the Gow boys that he teased, but after reading the book I can see that I got off pretty lightly!

I was at the Gow School dining hall a month ago, interviewing some of the International students for a profile article that we ran in the East Aurora advertiser. I had my mighty I-phone at the ready to record our conversations, but when I got home to transcribe them...nothing!

The voice memo app showed something was there, but when I tried to play it back, not one word had made it. I had to write the thing from memory and my pitiful notes, and I just know Jeff had something to do with this!

Congratulations on a wonderful reflection of a truly unique soul. I've left the copy for my daughters, both of whom worked for Jeff at Gow, to read. I'm sure they'll find that it brings back as many fond memories for them as it did for me. Best regards, Julie Hadley.

-----------

Cliff,

I got my book last night when I got home from work and I read it until I was done. I had trouble putting it down. What an amazing way to share his life. As I read through I thought about Jeff and his friendship with Juli and my first year in the Jr/Sr high.

Of course, as you know, my sister Davine had passed just two months before and Juli had graduated ahead of her class. I was this stupid little kid in 7th grade, but I will NEVER forget my first day and sitting alone in the lunch room.

Jeff happened to have the same lunch as me and shortly after I sat down, alone, he came over and asked me to come sit with him and some other seniors. He told me he didn't like to see a Horton sitting alone!

He made a very scary moment not so bad and he always said hello to me, asked me how I was, and inquired of Juli.

I just wanted to share that with you. I don't think I've ever shared it with anyone. He just always made me feel welcome anytime that I felt crappy!

Sarah  Horton Dosser---------------
I put this book down once.  When I was done reading it. Matt Snell - Gasport, NY

-----------
Hi Cliff,

I got my book in the mail on Monday night and tonight at 11:45 I have almost finished it.

Everytime I think about Jeff working at the Gow School I wonder about how there must have been hundreds of kids and there was no way how could he know them all.

Then I read about the prayer shawl that Jacob and Martha Poydma made for him and was amazed once again at what a small world it truly is and what a true impact he made.

I cannot begin to understand what you went through but I have been privy to a different side of Jeff that I never would have known if you had not written this book.

My deepest condolences go out to you and your family that this is the way people had to learn of your brother's wonderful zest for life.

I thank you for letting us into your world and letting us get to know your brother Jeff a little better. God bless you and thank you for your wonderful talent.

Michelle Schultz
---------------

 I started reading Oh Brother today and right from the start I started laughing. "Sprinsteen" I only read the first three chapters and I teared up several times followed by a laughter. As I was reading some of the memories you guys had of Jeff I started thinking about the time I was standing on the back porch of Meems house in Maryland. I showed Jeff a Don Mattingly signed sweat shirt and baseball I had and somehow he conned me into selling them to him. I can't wait to finish the book.
Dave Neisser 

Of my 29 years on this earth I can not say that I have had a friendship that mirrors the one that Cliff and Jeff shared.  My only comparison would be the one my wife Katie and I hold together. As an author, you did a fine job of expressing this friendship with Jeff.  As a reader you helped me realize that rare friendships as these are not to be taken for granted. The unfortunate events in this book should make everyone who reads it agree.We need to celebrate our love.

Kissing Cousins... Nah, Drinking Cousins

I always knew Jeff was a clown, but some of the things he did to Cliff were new stories I found out by reading "Oh Brother".  Jeff was the cousin of many, but he was the one I happened to be the closest with (could of been we were 2 of the 3 youngest out of 20+ grandkids).  Jeff and Lynn and me and Nelson lived in apt bldgs across from each other early in our marriages.  We spent a great deal of time together. We also spent so much time together when we were in early college years before Jeff went to VA.  Jeff dated 3 of my friends so naturally we spent some time out drinking. If I drank too much...I was always able to tell my dad (Jeff's favorite Uncle Jim) that it was Jeff's fault. That was the best chance I had to get away with it. It was great to read about his silliness and his torture towards Cliff.  The best part as Cliff told me...is that he never got mad, not once...he laughed right along with him!!! Love you all. Kristin

Submitted by Kristin Fazzolari Locklear

The Gow School gets Jeff!

Not sure if this is what you are looking for, but this was one of the ONLY times we got one over and Jeff (and we being the Gow School Maint. Staff!) 

I walked into the dining hall for lunch one day and Jeff, as always, was looking for some victims to harass or simply to talk to (truth be told, it was always a high light of the day to see Jeff and BS).  Anyway, this particular day I noticed something different about Jeff…what was it…it was his hair, he colored it to get rid of the gray.  I didn’t say anything, but like any good friend immediately told all my co-workers as we were leaving the dining hall to the Maint. Building to eat our lunch.  Well, we didn’t get far, because my fellow co-worker started in on Jeff about his hair, and I joined in (figured he’d do the same…that is, if I had enough hair to make it worthwhile to color)!  We were giving it to him pretty good, and you could see he was trying to think of a comeback, anything, something!   But had nothing, he had been beat!  He was just looking down at his desk, smiling and shaking his head back and forth.  Feeling good about our group beat down we all went to eat our lunch.

Later on in the day we all ran into Jeff (can’t remember how we all saw him at the same time, must have had some type of a job to do at the dining hall), and we noticed he had a brand new TIGHT hair cut!  We busted his balls so hard for that, too!!  He rushed out after his beat down and got a hair cut!  He never would live that one down.  That story still comes up at the shop on a regular basis, puts a smile on my face every time.

I miss my buddy Jeff terribly, I think of him so often.  He sure was one of a kind, I fell blessed to have known him.

Submitted by Rick Hausauer

Pick Me Up at the Airport, Would Ya?

In 1994 I was out of town for work having to go to Iowa. Being that it was January a blizzard jammed up my flights home and I spent two days in a hotel in Minnesota as my luggage flew home. Jeff was waiting to pick me up at the airport in Buffalo and he made two separate trips in, only to have to head back home when my flight was delayed.

Finally, on day three I was able to make it home, but the flight took over eight hours. When I got to the airport Jeff was in the bar waiting for me, sipping on a beer. "Hello, punkin'" he said. He was so full of energy that I sort of shuddered with fear about how the long ride home would go.

"Can you do me a favor and not talk?" I asked. "I have a splitting headache and I haven't slept much in three days."

I should have known better. Jeff started to sing. He continued to sing as we exited the parking ramp straight into a Buffalo blizzard. He was squinting to see out the windows as the wind was blowing and the snow was flying. He was still singing.

Finally, I screamed. "PLEASE, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD! STOP!"

Jeff stopped. He drove in silence for about six minutes, skidding across the road, steering into a slide that I was sure was going to send us into the other lane of traffic.

In the middle of correcting the skid, he turned to me, smiled, raised one eyebrow and said:

"Don't be shy! A little road noggin' right about now sure would be nice."

We laughed the rest of the way home.

Submitted by Cliff Fazzolari

Classic

It was our first semester at UB. We lived in the South campus dorms but not together. It was a big V shaped building, and he lived at one end, I lived at the other.  Being how things usually shook out, I spent most of the time at his place. His floor mates were cooler than mine and I had a crush on the chick who lived across the hall from him.

One night we went out to do some drinking.  I don't remember how much we had, but on this particular night, I was the one who blacked out, not him.  I don't remember how we got home, when we got home - nothing.  What I do remember is waking up in the hallway of my dorm, in my bed, in my underwear with people walking past me laughing.  After I fully realized I was a spectacle in the dorm hallway, I pounded on the door to my room. My roommate opened the door, laughing.  

"What time is it?" I asked

"Noon". 

I looked at him strangely and asked,"Why the hell am I sleeping in the hallway on my #%$ing bed?".  He recounted the story for me:  I had come home drunk, and passed out in my bed.  Ten minutes later, Jeff showed up knocking at the door.  My roomate let him in. He said Jeff tried to wake me up but I was KO' d.  So, Jeff rolled me off the bed and onto the floor. He then flipped my bed up and took the several trips to put it in the hall.  He put the bed back together out in the hallway, dragged me out there in a sound sleep and put me back in the bed.

I was pretty unhappy.  I took a shower and got dressed, and went over to his room and knocked on the door. He opened the door and when he saw me, he started laughing so hard that he pissed his pants.

"Why would you do something like that?"  I asked.

"Oh come on that's classic." 

    

Ten minutes later we were having a beer while he made us some lunch; still laughing his ass off.


Submitted by Pops

An Allergic Vegetarian and Jeff

It was our second year at University of Buffalo and we were living together. We had a suite: two rooms connected by a bathroom. The two guys in the other room are a freshman Chinese kid and an older guy, Steve from NYC. Steve was one of those know-it-alls that loved to tell you how you should live. He was also a very strict vegetarian, rode his bike everywhere and looked just like Art Garfunkel.


Jeff made a pot of sauce every Sunday after breakfast. The whole floor was in our room while it was cooking because it smelled good. So every week, Jeff being Jeff, offered Steve some pasta. We had the whole works going all the time - meatballs, sausage, chicken, eggs, the usual. Every week, Steve would turn Jeff down and eat freaking Lentil soup that smelled like ass.

One Sunday Jeff made plain sauce, no meat; and invited Steve to come over, telling Steve plainly that it is a vegetarian meal that does not smell like ass.  Steve said no thanks and explained that he was allergic to tomatoes since he was a kid. He said it smelled good but he didn't want to risk a reaction. We were like "Whatever man, we tried."

The next Sunday Jeff goes back to the good stuff, adding some braciole that the old man (Jeff's dad) had dropped off; the works. We put the pot to simmer and went out to play some hoops. When we got back to the room, we saw Steve, the veggie (who had come through the shared bathroom), sitting in front of our TV with the biggest bowl he could find, filled with sauce, sausage, braciole, everything! Our jaws hit the ground. Jeff said dude, "What the &*$%? He said it smelled so good that he had to give it a try to see if he would have a reaction.  Since he didn't have, he got himself a big bowl and a slab of bread. We said, "Wait! What about all the meat in there?" Steve said, "Well I'm a vegetarian but it won't kill me. This stuff is awesome!"

Jeff's cooking cured a tomato allergic vegetarian! From then on we remembered to lock the bathroom door!
 
Submitted by Jeff Popple, "Pops".

Oh Brother!

I have found that since Oh Brother! has been released, I have friends and family telling me more stories about Jeff and his ability to celebrate life.  Therefore, I am creating this forum for anyone who wants to share a story about Jeff.  You are welcome to email me at ohbrother23@ymail.com and share your story.  If you have a picture, give me one of those too.  I will read through all the stories and post.  If you would like to be a regular contributor, send me your email and I'll get you on the list of authorized authors for this blog.

The picture I've attached captures the silliness of Jeff, the charm of Jeff and the ease in which he can make you smile.  As I look at it, I recall a time when I was in college and I asked Jeff if he could help me move into my apartment in Fredonia.  I gave him the key to the apartment and he and Duke, I think, brought all my stuff to the apartment before me.  When I walked in the door, I found a mattress on the door jam, the TV in the tub, the plates in my roommates' bedroom, the clothes in the stove and the couches upside down and all around.  I laughed then and I still laugh now.

Send us some stories...